So, I've been pretty bummed about a lot of things lately.
One of the issues was the realization that even if I do still have a full-time job at the end of this fiscal year, there's no possibility for growth. Not unless they start randomly paying me a lot more so that I can go back to school. I'm at the height of where I can go in this organization as I.T. and it's rather depressing.
Another issue was, as I only just realized, figuring out how to adjust to having no more deadlines fueling my workload. When I was still partially a data manager, I used to have frequently very important deadlines to work towards and had to keep multiple supervisors in the loop about my progress.
Now I'm just I.T. and other than when someone asks about how a purchase issue or if there's a sudden emergency tech issue... no one really gives a flying fuck about what I'm doing or how long it will take.
Part of why it took me so long to realize this was that I spent October, November, and part of December operating on a very tight schedule of one-on-one sessions. Then January hit and things were so fucking loose. And we were given time off. Suddenly, I realized that because I was now on more of a beck-and-call schedule... and because I was miserable... I could fuck around on the computer a lot during work hours and no one would really care. And I felt a certain amount of "serves you right!" towards "the man" about the whole situation, too.
And then the guilt took over. Massive, massive guilt.
So, now I'm getting over that phase (thankfully) and adjusting to actually doing some work again. Busy work that I'd usually consider eventually doing but would put off. And while I'm doing that, I'm able to momentarily go off-task without turning my whole day into being off-task.
And, in the process, I managed to finally curate a really diverse Pandora station that didn't fall to pieces (yet). It's my background noise for these busy-work tasks and my savior between horrible I.T. emergency requests. And because I'm not working constantly towards crazy deadlines, it's okay to actually go in and curate it while working now.
I called it Clusterf*ck Radio.
So, at least I'm achieving something, right?!