My 2013 Christmas Episode Recommendation List

I may despise Christmas, but I love a good Christmas special! However, as I've gotten older and more bitter, I've soured on a few aspect. The whole "It was really Santa!" angle is one I can't stand anymore. So, don't expect to see many of those in there (one may slip in)

Rocko's Modern Christmas



 Rocko's Modern Life is possibly my favorite NickToon from the 90s. And I adore this Christmas special so much. The elves are great characters (it's a bit of a shock that they didn't become recurring characters before the show ended) and the bathroom gag of the cloud being incapable of producing snow kept me laughing as a child. But the thing I love the most? That ear-worm of a song that one of the elves' toys keeps playing. I swear that it showed up in a Christmas flash video game I played in the early 2000s, but I can't find any evidence to prove that.

How the Ghosts Stole Christmas



 Shouldn't every Christmas involve being haunted by Lily Tomlin and Ed Asner and tricked into taking part in a murder-suicide? No? Well, you need to see this episode of The X-Files, then. Mulder and Scully investigate a haunted house on Christmas Eve and get wrapped up in the head games that the ghosts play. It's possibly the creepiest Christmas special out there and also one of the most emotionally confusing. But it's also great!

Arnold's Christmas



Oh, the limitations of the internet- the best video I could find to support this special was a trivia one about the episode. My other favorite NickToon, Hey Arnold, picked up the gauntlet that Charlie Brown threw down and created one of the most bittersweet animated Christmas specials ever. This might even be my favorite ever episode of the show, to be honest. I love Arnold and Gerald's commitment to getting the archivist's Christmas gifts. I love Helga's journey with her Nancy Spumoni snowboots. And the whole Mr. Hyuhn storyline is just... sob. A little corny, but a great touch to add some realism like the Vietnam War to an otherwise wacky background character. Jim Lang's music is pitch-perfect (as is usually the case with the jazz-infused show) and it creates a nice little urban fairy tale that doesn't involve Santa or "Christmas Miracles" that are beyond explaining.

Forgiveness and Stuff



Oh, Gilmore Girls. The first twenty episodes of Gilmore Girls might be the most perfect 20 episodes of television ever. And this episode is no exception. In the aftermath of Rory accidentally falling asleep (super innocently!) with Dean after a school dance, Rory and Lorelai aren't talking much and Lorelai and Emily are almost back to where they were before the series started. But then Grandpa Gilmore falls ill at the fancy dinner party and the family is reunited and talking to each other as they wait to find out his fate at the hospital. As the kids say these days, "this episode has all the feels". You get Luke having his grinch-y ways melted away to reveal his inner sweetness multiple times in the episode, Lorelai and Luke having their first major will-they-won't-they moments, Emily pulling her best Debra Winger, a Jane Lynch cameo, and Lorelai and Richard having a very emotional moment with no words that should've won a gazillion Emmys. Even though it's technically the second part of a two parter, this is an episode that is a great watch even if you know nothing of the show- it tells you everything you need to know about the characters all on its own.

The Christmas Invasion



Shut up. You knew this was coming. Killer Christmas Trees! Stalking Santas! The Doctor defeating an invading race of aliens while wearing a pair of pajamas! Snow that is actually the ash of a giant space ship burning up in the atmosphere as it falls to Earth! This also happens to be the first Christmas special in the current run of Doctor Who as well as the introduction of the 10th Doctor. And it does an amazing job of making you, by the end of the episode, completely on-board for this new cheeky-pin-striped-glasses-wearing Doctor.

Have Yourself A Very Specific Type of Christmas Movie...

Are you looking for Christmas movies to put you in a specific mood? Here are my top five choices:

1.Neo-Retro Leather and Blood on White Snow Christmas: Batman Returns

Not the Tim Burton movie most people will recommend for Christmas, but people tend to forget that Burton had a bit of an obsession with the holiday leading up to Nightmare Before Christmas, as both Batman Returns and Edward Scissorhands take place around Christmas time. I just love the tone that the holiday adds to the story for Batman Returns. An extra layer of beauty and tragedy via fresh white snow as a canvas for dead bodies and chaos to fall on. Plus, the great touch of that 1940s-era design that the two Burton-directed movies (as well as the Bruce Timm cartoon) had just adds to the classic Christmas vibe of it. The movie sometimes looks and feels like it could take place in the same universe as a Fred Astaire movie.

2. Stark Stylized Neon 80s Christmas: Less Than Zero

Just as Batman Returns mixes 1940s nostalgia with Christmas imagery, Less Than Zero slaps you in the face with the 80s and puts an obnoxious stark cold 1980s L.A. vibe all over Christmas and New Year's. Add in all the ridiculous opulence and the painful scenes of Robert Downey Jr's character being kicked out of his father's home just in time for Christmas... and you have a great movie to watch to appreciate what you have.

3. Small Town Falls to Crap Christmas: Gremlins

No music score says "Christmas" to me quite like that of Gremlins. It takes the idea of a Christmas movie set in a small town and turns it into a monster movie set in a small town. With a sing-along! And as someone who has worked a fair share of Christmas Eve's, I always appreciate Phoebe Cates's scene of serving drunk and crazy gremlins at the bar (while also always asking...why would you keep serving them?!). But I feel that Gremlins gets that "why am I supposed to be happy just because it's Christmas even though crappy things are happening?" mood perfectly.

4. Ruined Christmas in Chicago: While You Were Sleeping

Okay, here's a nice one that I like for the specific 1990s Chicago-flavored Christmas setting (yes, I'm picking this over any John Hughes Christmas movies). In the grand scheme of the Sandra Bullock oevre, I imagine that While You Were Sleeping falls more on the All About Steve side of things in the long run, because it's very odd when you rewatch it. It really goes the distance while trying to convince you and Bullock's Lucy that it's very important that she continue to pretend to be Peter's fiance. And while I can't say that the movie does a "good" job of making it seem like a good idea, it puts more effort into the issue than a rom-com from the 2000s ever would. It actually reminds me a lot of rom-com plots from the 30s and 40s- like Bachelor Mother, starring Ginger Rogers and David Nevin, which also takes place around Christmas. But While You Were Sleeping is a little less disturbing (I could write a dissertation on Bachelor Mother, but that is for another post...).

5. People Are Insane Yet Apathetic During The Holidays: Brazil

Two of my three favorite movies take place at Christmas, so it was tough to make a call on which one should be on this list. But I choose Brazil because it's a lot less well-known compared to The Apartment. And really nails the mania that seems to take over people as Christmas gets closer and closer and how life just gets kind of weird for a couple weeks. My favorite thing might be the pointless "executive" gifts that Sam keeps encountering. But then there's just how you can be told "Happy Christmas" and "You're going to die" in the same breath in the world of Brazil. With the same amount of apathy.