Cut Your Own Damn Bangs.

In the past decade, whenever I have requested bangs to a hairdresser, they have been reluctant. Even when a dear friend of mine cut my hair, she was hesitant to give me full-on bangs.

Now, I understand it to a point. Pictures of me from ages 6 to 12 are pretty good evidence for why I shouldn't really have bangs. But that had more to do with the terrible helmet-like bob cuts that I had with those bangs while also not being allowed to wield a curling iron yet.

Since those days, I've gotten pretty good with my hair. I understand what different brushes do to it. I can french and dutch braid. I can do a lot with a single curling iron.

But hairdressers still will never go full-on with bangs. Except the one time where I let a woman that barely understood English give me a $10 bang cut and she gave me really uneven baby bangs rather than "just above the eyebrow" like I wanted. All others will basically give me nothing more than short layers that can work as bangs for about a week before they grow out too much to work with.

And when I got my hair cut this past August, once again I had a hairdresser that was hesitant to give me bangs. I convinced her on the grounds of trying to frame my face to thin it out a little, as I have a round pale Irish pie face that is made worse by frequent swelling in the jawline from my TMJ problems. I need my hair to make it not quite so daunting and terrible to see.

So, the hairdresser gave me some angled long fringe into some long side pieces. But it was rather thin and, when I went to style it the next day, I realized that she hadn't been very precise about where she got the hair for the fringe from. Which seems to be the case when it comes to giving me haircuts. I don't understand why, though, as it's pretty easy to see if you made a straight part in my hair as my hair is so dark brown that it's almost black and my scalp is so pale that it almost glows.

Over the past few months, I bought a cheap pair of trimming scissors. I mostly just tried to keep trimming the fringe to keep it out of my eyes and also try to even it out a little bit into more of what I was looking for. But I didn't want to go crazy with it, as I've had my fill of "I let my sister cut my hair and now I have this one chunk that's mysteriously too short for my ponytail" moments.

Until today. Armed with nothing but hazy memories of a "how to give yourself bangs" guide that I read online over a year ago, the cheap scissors, a mirror, and a terrible mood motivating me more than ever- I just did it.

And I did a pretty awesome job!

It did take hours to get it perfect, however, as the key to not fucking it up was to do a lot of tiny trimming with the scissors almost completely vertical, something I had picked up from the few times I could get a hairdresser to cut me some bangs. They're not as super blunt looking if you do it that way and easier to play with and cover minor uneven-ness. It possibly also creates texture.

The other thing I did was carefully map everything out. I found the center of my face and, using the pointed end of a make-up brush, I etched out a perfect triangle in my hairline, with the point lined up with the center of my face. I pulled the rest of my hair into a ponytail. Then, out of the wide triangle (think Zooey Deschanel-style), I carved out a smaller rectangle in the center and pinned back the rest of the triangle for later. Basically, I first cut a pretty uniform set of straight bangs that went just the width of my eyebrows and were just above the rims of my glasses. Then, I unpinned the triangle and let those have some more length to them so that they skim the rims of my glasses for the most part and then go longer on the sides.

It's hard to explain and I'm not putting pictures of myself up here (too incriminating about other parts of my life- like who I am). But it worked out really well. This way, I can have thick and full straight bangs  covering my entire forehead and framing the sides of my face without pulling out the curling iron to fix them.

BUT! I can also style them as slightly side-swooped, which is what really looks best on me. And, best of all, I can do it from either side- which was not an option with what the hairdresser had given me. To add to that, because I made them thicker and start further back on my head than previously, they're also easier to fluff and fix.

The biggest downsides to the self-cut:

1) Uh, I did it in my bed. So, I had to shopvac the bed and change my clothes to stop itching.
2) My scalp in the front of my head is now very sensitive from excessive brushing to make sure the hair was even as I was trimming. Ow.

In Defense of Center Stage

You know what? I'm not going to feel bad anymore about liking the 2000 movie, Center Stage.

Because, as far as sports movies (yes, I'm calling ballet a sport) go, it might be one of the best ones. As the majority of the leading cast were professional ballet dancers. And one Olympic champion figure skater (Hi, Ilia Kulik!). And then the cast members that weren't dancers were all playing roles that required actual acting- like the breakthrough performance of the still-not-appreciated-enough-nor-given-good-enough-roles Zoe Saldana.

Zoe Saldana, who I cheered for when she popped up in the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie because of how much I loved her in Center Stage. Zoe Saldana, the actress that I have watched terrible things like Crossroads and Avatar for, just because I knew she'd at least be interesting.

Yes, I am praising Center Stage and claiming James Cameron's Avatar a terrible film on the level of a Britney Spears vehicle all in one post. I understand if your mileage varies- I'm just saying I'm not apologizing for liking Center Stage anymore.

Center Stage isn't a great movie overall, I admit that. But it's fucking entertaining. And a better ballet movie than Black Swan. Although, at least Black Swan had some reasoning for how characters managed to change their entire outfit, make-up, hair style, and toe shoes in the blink of an eye while they were still supposed to be on stage in front of a live audience.

That moment still breaks my brain a little bit in the end ballet. Not to mention the super-awkward simulated sex ballet movies done moments before that- with Jodie's parents in the audience watching. I'm still amazed that when her parents find her backstage and praise her performance, there's not a moment where one of her parents just goes, "But did you have to strip down to your bra and panties and pretend to have sex in front of everyone? Did that Cooper boy force you to do that? Do we need to get a lawyer, sweetie?"

But, still, despite the reality break and ballet sex, that last ballet is really fun to watch. It beats any final play of a fictional football team any day. And makes it so you almost don't roll your eyes at how all of the main kids got Magical Happily Ever After endings to their stories. Not to mention how both the ballet and Jodie's speech to Peter Gallagher make you realize how much Amanda Schull looks like a prettier and better haired version of Jennie Garth as there's a lot of "I choose me" vibing going on there.

And, yes, Ethan Stiefel is quiet the terrible actor and his character is hilariously all over the place (with a never-ending supply of low-cut tank tops to show off his dancer pectoral muscles). Sascha Radetsky isn't much better, but he just needs to play the sweet guy and he achieves that pretty easily.

You know who's really good at playing a sweet and loyal boyfriend in the film, though? Eion Bailey. I was probably 45 minutes into the film before I realized that the vaguely Paul Rudd-esque guy was, in fact, August from Once Upon A Time. Before getting that mid-30s vaguely-distressed stubble-y look, his chiseled jawline was the jawline of a pretty boy and not a handsome (sometimes wooden) man.

And, finally, by re-watching the film for the first time in years, I realized I'm still in awe and envy of Amanda Schull's hair. Center Stage is worth watching just to marvel at the main character's hair and hair styles.

So, go watch Center Stage now! It's all on YouTube!

Hairstyles That Seem Like A Good Idea When You're Still Kinda Asleep:

I need a haircut. I have many reasons for needing one- the main one being that my neck is giving up on being able to hold up my head with the current weight of hair I pile up in rubberbands and bobby pins every day. I literally ended up with my head on the bar the other night during a wine tasting because my neck hurt from holding up my head.

I've been trying to remember to spread the wealth so that it's not just one giant heavy ponytail or bun. But I'm also incredibly lazy. Really.

And, also, I usually take about 10 minutes to get ready most weekdays. So... what to do with all that hair in just a couple minutes? When you're not awake enough to figure out that you're already wearing a bra?

Apparently, I just do two buns side-by-side at the back of my head. I didn't remember I did that until I felt back there a few minutes ago.

I wonder what the front of my head looks like?

I kinda want to get a trendy cut for once. But, at the same time, I hate paying for haircuts. Because it's like paying to be tortured for an hour and in the end I'm rarely ever thrilled with the outcome. I can't even sit through a dental cleaning without getting gassed to make the time pass. Also- I can't even begin to ever figure out what looks good on me. Of the past four times I got bangs cut, three times I ended up with just some front stuff framing my face that was long enough to put behind my ear after two weeks. The one other time was a disaster- the woman didn't even pay attention to where all the hair she was cutting for the bangs was coming from- I had a chunk from just to the left of the middle of my head that now had to function as a bang.

My mother has always told me to never go to a stylist and just let them do whatever they want. But my mother also hates the word "boob" and claims she'll disown me if I ever let someone color my hair before I start going grey. That boob thing doesn't really matter, I guess, but I felt like sharing that. She hates the word "boob". That's weird, right? It's not like it's "moist" or anything.