Movie Palooza 2014

Thanks to the Polar Vortex, a scary snow-slip, and a well-timed lack of work, I spent several days in a row in bed just watching movies. And some TV shows. And reading a lot of fanfic, something I haven't done in years and feel like it's a dirty habit I've picked up after years of being clean.

But the point is the movies! In no order at all:

- Frozen. There are no words for how happy I am with Disney for finally, in recent years, thinking a bit more about the concept of "true love". Between Frozen and the first season finale of Once Upon a Time, I'm very impressed with how much the Mouse-produced stories are growing up. In addition to that: great singing (middling quality songs, to be fair- just catchy enough not to forget them all) and a great story (that, in a good way, has almost nothing in common with the Ice Queen fable, other than ice shards to the heart). The only story it could really draw a lot of comparison to is Wicked, also starring Idina Menzel, but Frozen is not nearly as depressing or disturbing. My score: A-

- The Heat. Another movie with two strong female main characters! Made in the same year! It's a miracle! It's a little over-indulgent in its own wackiness and runs long due to it, but ultimately a great buddy-cop movie with a great cast. My score: B

- Kings of Summer. There are some truly amazing lines in this movie, incredibly funny moments, and some great cinematography but it fell a little short emotionally for me. I just didn't like Joe or Patrick enough, to be honest, and felt that Kelly was little more than an object that could talk. This movie is all about the supporting cast and the dialogue, though, which are both fantastic. Especially Offerman. But when isn't Nick Offerman fantastic? My score: B

- The Way Way Back. This hit me in a spot where Kings of Summer just did not, for whatever reason. I loved seeing Duncan's change over the course of the movie. I loved that there was no easy fix to his relationship with his mother or her relationship with Trent. I love that the relationship between Duncan and Susanna actually has substance behind it, where they see common ground between each other. While not as packed with great lines as Kings of Summer, this feels more consistent and the supporting cast is given more to work with emotionally with their characters. My score: A

- Gravity. One of those movies where you keep checking the time because you can't watch someone be in misery for that long. Which is to say: IT'S AMAZING. But also: so, so stressful. The camera work is beyond impressive, making the long shots from Children of Men look like child's play. And, most importantly, I'm very distressed by how in the first set of credits, George Clooney has equal billing with Sandra Bullock. Which is ridiculous, as he's gone for most of the movie! It's her movie! Get the fuck out of here with that, George! My score: A

- The Dallas Buyer's Club. They went a little too far with making Ron as homophobic and shitty as possible in the beginning, but it is a good story. And while it may be a story that feels like it has been done before, there was an excellent topical angle to it: the corruption of the FDA, the high price for necessary medications, and healthcare rights in general. But without going "LOOK! This is just like NOW!" every five seconds. Amazing performances. A little too long. My score: B+

- World War Z. Made me want pancakes. And then made me bored and wish that Brad Pitt's family would die already so that the movie would start. Then I made pancakes and the movie still hadn't gotten interesting. How do you make zombies so uninteresting? When you have that many good script writers getting credit for their doctoring and you have one of the best books of the past twenty years as source material? How does it go so boring?! My score: N/A as I didn't finish it.

- Carrie. I gave up 9 minutes in when the locker room scene was a disaster. No one's reaction to the situation makes any sense. First off, from the amount of blood shown, Carrie clearly is actually hemorrhaging and not just having a period. Why didn't any blood show in the pool if she was bleeding that heavily? And the other girls seem to be in a completely different movie, as they are clearly not reacting to someone as worked up as Chloë Grace Moretz was playing the character. If you can't make reverse shots seem to take place in the same universe, you're doing your job wrong. Especially when you're doing a scene as iconic as that one. My score: N/A as I didn't finish it.

- Behind the Candelabra. OMG, you guys, ROB LOWE'S FACE. Seriously. It is the greatest thing ever. You have to see it in motion, though, don't just look at pictures. As for the rest of the movie? It's a little bit better than your average HBO biopic. Michael Douglas is great. Matt Damon shows off his body a lot. My score: B

- Crazy Sexy Cool: The TLC Story. Your average VH-1 biopic. Distressingly, most of the movie was recreating footage rather than filling in the gaps between footage, which results in very little character development other than on the surface. More than anything, it's a cautionary tale about signing contracts without looking at them and not having a clue about money. But I wonder if it's even relevant in this day and age, as the music industry is completely different now from how it was then. But also: I love TLC. My score: C

- The Great Gatsby. It's like a parody of a Baz Luhrman film. But way too freakin' long. Holy crap, is it long. After an hour and 40 minutes, I couldn't take it anymore. My score: N/A, as I didn't finish it.

- The Butler. It's good, but it could've been better. I'm so proud of Danny Strong for writing such a high-profile movie but... I feel like even the personal events in Cecil Gaines's life had all been seen before. The only interesting thing to me was all the stuff about how the wait staff functioned and interacted in the White House. And while I do think it's important to remind people of the horrors that happened during the civil rights movement, nothing shown was new nor was it very profound. Also, LBJ on the toilet will haunt me in my nightmares, but Yaya's black panther 'fro is the stuff of dreams. My score: B-

In Defense of Center Stage

You know what? I'm not going to feel bad anymore about liking the 2000 movie, Center Stage.

Because, as far as sports movies (yes, I'm calling ballet a sport) go, it might be one of the best ones. As the majority of the leading cast were professional ballet dancers. And one Olympic champion figure skater (Hi, Ilia Kulik!). And then the cast members that weren't dancers were all playing roles that required actual acting- like the breakthrough performance of the still-not-appreciated-enough-nor-given-good-enough-roles Zoe Saldana.

Zoe Saldana, who I cheered for when she popped up in the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie because of how much I loved her in Center Stage. Zoe Saldana, the actress that I have watched terrible things like Crossroads and Avatar for, just because I knew she'd at least be interesting.

Yes, I am praising Center Stage and claiming James Cameron's Avatar a terrible film on the level of a Britney Spears vehicle all in one post. I understand if your mileage varies- I'm just saying I'm not apologizing for liking Center Stage anymore.

Center Stage isn't a great movie overall, I admit that. But it's fucking entertaining. And a better ballet movie than Black Swan. Although, at least Black Swan had some reasoning for how characters managed to change their entire outfit, make-up, hair style, and toe shoes in the blink of an eye while they were still supposed to be on stage in front of a live audience.

That moment still breaks my brain a little bit in the end ballet. Not to mention the super-awkward simulated sex ballet movies done moments before that- with Jodie's parents in the audience watching. I'm still amazed that when her parents find her backstage and praise her performance, there's not a moment where one of her parents just goes, "But did you have to strip down to your bra and panties and pretend to have sex in front of everyone? Did that Cooper boy force you to do that? Do we need to get a lawyer, sweetie?"

But, still, despite the reality break and ballet sex, that last ballet is really fun to watch. It beats any final play of a fictional football team any day. And makes it so you almost don't roll your eyes at how all of the main kids got Magical Happily Ever After endings to their stories. Not to mention how both the ballet and Jodie's speech to Peter Gallagher make you realize how much Amanda Schull looks like a prettier and better haired version of Jennie Garth as there's a lot of "I choose me" vibing going on there.

And, yes, Ethan Stiefel is quiet the terrible actor and his character is hilariously all over the place (with a never-ending supply of low-cut tank tops to show off his dancer pectoral muscles). Sascha Radetsky isn't much better, but he just needs to play the sweet guy and he achieves that pretty easily.

You know who's really good at playing a sweet and loyal boyfriend in the film, though? Eion Bailey. I was probably 45 minutes into the film before I realized that the vaguely Paul Rudd-esque guy was, in fact, August from Once Upon A Time. Before getting that mid-30s vaguely-distressed stubble-y look, his chiseled jawline was the jawline of a pretty boy and not a handsome (sometimes wooden) man.

And, finally, by re-watching the film for the first time in years, I realized I'm still in awe and envy of Amanda Schull's hair. Center Stage is worth watching just to marvel at the main character's hair and hair styles.

So, go watch Center Stage now! It's all on YouTube!

Austen Settee Limits: Austenland is Coming...

The Good: Keri Russell
The Bad: Producer Stephanie Meyer

The Good: J.J. Feild is always a great Austen-esque Male lead (see ITV's Northanger Abbey and- although it's not Austen- The BBC's The Ruby in the Smoke for further examples).
The Bad: I like Jennifer Coolidge, but I like her in small doses. This doesn't look like a small dosage.

The Good: Hey, it's based on a book that escaped my grasp! Something to read!
The Bad: Huh, the book description seems to have little in common with the movie trailer.

How do you feel about Austenland? Anyone see it at Sundance?

Iron Man 3: Altered in Translation

So, I talked yesterday with a friend that had just seen Iron Man 3 while visiting China. We had a confusing conversation.

Me: It was pretty good, right?
Him: Yeah, it was pretty good. A little disjointed, though. What's the deal with the doctor? They didn't subtitle that at the theater I was at.
Me: Which doctor? Maya?
Him: No, the doctor Tony's talking to.
Me: ... Do you not remember The Avengers?
Him: What? I don't remember any old Asian doctor in The Avengers!
Me: What the hell are you talking about?
Him: The old asian doctor that showed up a few times and had, like, a five minute scene with some pretty girl doctor towards the end.
Me: Are you sure you saw Iron Man 3? Did China show some Asylum knock-off instead?
Him: Well, Robert Downey Jr was in it and it was directed by Shane Black. I'm pretty damn sure I saw the same movie as you.
Me: I'm pretty damn sure you didn't! There's no old asian doctor character!
Him: There totally was! Tony meets him at the New Years Eve party.
Me: ... Ho Yishen?
Him: No, Ho Yishen introduces him to this doctor.
Me: Are you sure?
Him: YES.

So, fifteen minutes later, we were still going back and forth on if he really saw the real movie and I finally Wikipedia'd to find out that China did indeed get four extra minutes of film.

Or, rather, China got four minutes of some other film inserted into Iron Man 3 starring an actor that showed up for about two seconds for the rest of the world's version. As what there is doesn't look like it was even pretending to be the same film as what the rest looked like.

I'm guessing these were, at best, shot by the second unit?

And, apparently, they took out the post-credits scene with Banner and instead made it so Tony's narration is him on the phone with this doctor?

My friend sent me pictures (I don't know how he got them. They don't even look like they could be in the same movie.

Oh, and apparently, I have more thoughts on Iron Man 3 than I thought I did. So... watch out for some future posts.

Fe Homo Sapien Sapien Thrice: Movie Review

Hat tip to The Mary Sue for the remix video. 

All Iron Man 3 footage in the remix is from trailers and ads.

Hey, how about a movie review? Sure! Vague Spoilers Ahoy!

Backstory: This week, the roommate revealed that she had never seen either Iron Man movie or The Avengers (outside of the hour we watched together when I bought the movie in September). But she really wanted to see Iron Man 3. BUT WE HAD NO TIME!

So, Friday evening, we watched Iron Man and then debated about watching Iron Man 2- which I insist is mostly skippable other than for the Black Widow introduction and knowing that Rhodey now has the War Machine suit. Instead, we skipped right to watching The Avengers, trying to get the best movies in before seeing Iron Man 3 at our local theater.

But then we realized that our local theater's last showing was at 10:00 pm. So we only got to exactly where we left off the last time. But she was cool with it, so I was cool with it.

We saw the movie. It was in 3-D but didn't really use the 3-D at all, as is usually the case. I think the 3-D was actually limited to only the trailers. Which... whatever. I'd much rather not have any actual 3-D after paying for it than have the terrible Hobbit situation happen again.

The movie was really good! It was very Shane Black-y. Very Lethal Weapon with science fiction thrown in. Very buddy cop movie, but as the best buddy cop movie I've seen in decades. While also really bothering to follow-up on all the shit that happened in The Avengers.

And Robert Downey Jr just acts his ass off. 

And Ben Kingsley is AMAZING. 

And Adam Pally from Happy Endings showed up! 

Also, there's a cute post-credits scene (as is expected with Marvel movies). And Rhodey is actually given shit to do! And Pepper has... some moments. I guess Pepper's plotline is better than Iron Man 2 but they still don't really know what to do with Pepper. Hell, even Happy has a big story arc now that's he's not also the director of the film.

There are things that annoy me about it- Pepper's plot and the villain backstory (I'm so sick of villains that have pre-existing ties to Tony Stark), but it was a lovely way to possibly finish the Iron Man story. Which is a lot more than what I can say for fucking The Dark Knight Rises.

Although, yes, my displeasure with The Dark Knight Rises has a lot to do with how I'm much more emotionally connected to Batman stories than Iron Man stories- but I still think The Dark Knight Rises had a lame conclusion (and beginning, and plot, and... this is not the time for this).

Anyway... I love a good early May superhero movie. Iron Man Three (as the credits at the end say) got me jazzed up and that's what counts!

In fact, the roommate and I were so jazzed up, we went home and finished The Avengers (as she kept going, "What wormhole?! What ALIENS?! What are people talking about?!) and didn't go to bed until, oh, 2 or 3 AM. Weekends are fun!

Show Your Cards

So... DC and Summit have apparently just arrived in the 21st century and realized, after already hiring Orson Scott Card, that he's a bit of a controversial figure. Something I figured out when I was 15 and, after having read all of Ender's Game, purchased a copy of Speaker for the Dead and made the mistake of reading the foreword by Card. And then attempted to also read Speaker for the Dead.

At that time, the only other book I dropped like a hot potato was Jany Eyre. Because as much as I loved Jane and her "I will dress plainly because it's how I like to dress dammit and I will be smart because I want to be dammit again" ways, I hated Mr. Rochester twice as much. Before I even knew he had a wife in the attic. But at least I dragged myself across the stupid "hear him calling me" finish line on that one.

I really liked Ender's Game. It was a great slow-burn to a great final reveal and didn't try to tell you how to feel- it just handed you the facts and let you have your own emotions about what you just read. Speaker for the Dead did the same. But the facts took my emotions to weird and uncomfortable places. More uncomfortable than 15-year-old me was willing to go. I was ready to commit to learning more about Ender's sister Valentine because she seemed like a great character and then... I just didn't feel comfortable reading further. And no one else was very interesting in the story. And I can't even remember what the foreword by OSC in that book SAID now, but I remember that it was one of those moments where I just felt like I had accidentally ended up in line for the men's bathroom when I meant to get in line for the snack bar.

And then, as I got older and times changed, Orson Scott Card revealed himself to have beliefs that I strongly disagreed with. To a point that has left me, and many other people, conflicted about our feelings about separating the artist from their art and when you can take one without the other.

Anyway, here are my thoughts on the Card-fueled Hot Water:

1) I don't know if DC is past the point of no return on their deal with Card, but I know that Summit is- they have a movie. If it's too late to back out, both companies should figure out a way to balance out their dealings with him. Donations to organizations that support Gay Rights would be a good place to start.

2) Summit should consider secretly asking OSC to "disown" the movie and therefore give the impression that they wanted to make an adaptation of Ender's Game based on the material alone and giving the impression that things were being seen eye-to-eye between Card and everyone involved with the movie.. Sort of like how Alan Moore didn't want anything to do with the Watchmen movie (not that I'm suggesting that Moore was asked to disown it. I know the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen story).

3. NOM is a hilarious name for a terrible organization. Hermoine Granger couldn't come up with a worse anagram.

Alyssa Rosenberg has said more on the topic and has said it better than me (and sooner).