Almost there. Almost. Almost. Almost. Almost?

I'm in week two of a three week office move. We're almost there. Almost.

All phone companies involved seem confident that they'll be back on schedule and have the new office's phones and internet running by Tuesday. Which will make them only 9 days late!

And that's only the beginning of the story.

I've been trying to go in an hour early and/or stay an hour late most days for the past two weeks. Then this morning I fell asleep in the shower multiple times and decided I should cash in some of that extra time I've built up so that I didn't cause a car accident.

But that might be more because of how, at 10 pm last night, I suddenly decided that the roommate absolutely had to see The Prestige due to how often she references Tesla. Because I'm a responsible adult!


Almost there. I have the weekend. And then I can sneak in some more work on Monday while technically on a vacation day. And then we're in the final week of the move, where we actually are in the new office. We're almost there.

And then I'll have to figure out how to best get to the new office and miss my sweet 20 minute commute.

Meanwhile: Black currant juice is not all that great, but I managed to make it worse. Hurray for me!

This Is What a "I Can't Sleep And It's Almost 3 AM on a Saturday" Post Is Like

I've been lost in a vortex of suck this week due to my office moving to a new location, our fiscal year almost being over, and we're also merging with three other organizations into a Megazord of non-profits that no one knows about.

Oh, and shit just being crazy otherwise as well. I put in almost a whole extra day of spare hours this week just to make it so I could pack up the office's server with a half-hour left in the workweek and not stay late.

And I succeeded in doing so! To celebrate, I dragged my sweaty ass to my cousin's high school production of Peter Pan. She was adorable as Wendy. But drama kids running around the lobby in character before the show creeps me out too much.

But anyway, that was hours ago I'm still awake despite how this would be my one night to get extra sleep. Similarly, on Thursday I had a chance to just walk home from the train and actually go to bed early but for some reason I first went a block up from where I normally walk home, the roommate was walking for exercise on the other side of this new route, and somehow I decided that I would walk 3 miles with her in my terrible Dr. Scholls' shoes that aren't meant for my terrible feet and turned my baby toes into blister monsters (but don't tell the roommate because she will feel guilty about it because she doesn't understand that blisters are the least of my feet concerns). Then I got home late and somehow still was able to shower and get to work in the morning.

In a lazier similar story, I made the roommate watch Cabin in the Woods with me on Amazon Prime a few nights ago and she, a lover of the Halloween franchise, wasn't so fond of it. But also knew absolutely nothing about it other than 1) It was called Cabin in the Woods 2) Joss Whedon co-wrote it 3) Her mother hated it. Considering I saw one single trailer and felt like I knew every twist before it came, I think she got a lot more enjoyment out of it than I did, even though she was very anxious due to feeling like she had no idea where the story was going. Then we had to palate cleanse with a lazy episode of Charmed before feeling like we could go to sleep.

Also: Buzzfeed lists. I'm at the point where I feel like I need to make a list of Buzzfeed lists and include gifs that express my feelings about how uneven and/or not-entirely-thought-out they are. 'Cause... seriously, people. They can be fun, but some of those lists have some MAJOR padding.

The cat is really annoyed that I'm not asleep. As am I, but I don't think that will calm her down.

I'm hungry. I should just go to sleep. Did I mention that I found out what foods my blood has a bad reaction to? Blueberries, people. Blueberries were on the list. That shit is bananas.

Similarly: bananas were also on the list. But I dislike bananas, so I don't care so much about that.

Iron Man 3: Altered in Translation

So, I talked yesterday with a friend that had just seen Iron Man 3 while visiting China. We had a confusing conversation.

Me: It was pretty good, right?
Him: Yeah, it was pretty good. A little disjointed, though. What's the deal with the doctor? They didn't subtitle that at the theater I was at.
Me: Which doctor? Maya?
Him: No, the doctor Tony's talking to.
Me: ... Do you not remember The Avengers?
Him: What? I don't remember any old Asian doctor in The Avengers!
Me: What the hell are you talking about?
Him: The old asian doctor that showed up a few times and had, like, a five minute scene with some pretty girl doctor towards the end.
Me: Are you sure you saw Iron Man 3? Did China show some Asylum knock-off instead?
Him: Well, Robert Downey Jr was in it and it was directed by Shane Black. I'm pretty damn sure I saw the same movie as you.
Me: I'm pretty damn sure you didn't! There's no old asian doctor character!
Him: There totally was! Tony meets him at the New Years Eve party.
Me: ... Ho Yishen?
Him: No, Ho Yishen introduces him to this doctor.
Me: Are you sure?
Him: YES.

So, fifteen minutes later, we were still going back and forth on if he really saw the real movie and I finally Wikipedia'd to find out that China did indeed get four extra minutes of film.

Or, rather, China got four minutes of some other film inserted into Iron Man 3 starring an actor that showed up for about two seconds for the rest of the world's version. As what there is doesn't look like it was even pretending to be the same film as what the rest looked like.

I'm guessing these were, at best, shot by the second unit?

And, apparently, they took out the post-credits scene with Banner and instead made it so Tony's narration is him on the phone with this doctor?

My friend sent me pictures (I don't know how he got them. They don't even look like they could be in the same movie.

Oh, and apparently, I have more thoughts on Iron Man 3 than I thought I did. So... watch out for some future posts.

Car Whoas

I love my car.

I got it due to shitty circumstances and totally didn't feel like I deserved it, which helped me love it even more. It's tiny and efficient and easy to find and has heated seats and can still hold the boxes for a whole IKEA dresser. What the hell is there to NOT love about that?

And I named my car Pedro: Son of Reptar.

The best part was that not only did I love my car, but small children loved my car. My niece loved my car. All elementary school age girls love my car, in fact. I never before have witnessed so many little girls stopping in mid-chase in parks to point at a car that I was drivingMattel might think that a pink convertible is a dream car, but I'm pretty sure a metallic lime green hatchback that looks vaguely like it was modeled on the head of a cartoon dinosaur is the actual dream car of little girls.

Note: Reptar from Rugrats and the lime green Ford Fiesta. Hence part of why I named my car "Pedro: Son of Reptar". The Pedro part came from the name I gave the lizard that died fused to the top of my previous car. It's a long story.

But poor Pedro decided, half way between Chicago and ISU, that sticking to one gear at a time was for losers. And that while being in all those gears at once, acceleration was for losers as well.

So, Pedro went into the shop. Then out of the shop. And then into the shop again this week. Computer error, transmission error, or shift lever- all are being corrected (thank goodness for long warrenties). And, only two days after taking him in, I was given a rental car. A super tricked out limited edition Edge which feels like driving a luxury hovercraft with touchscreen abilities. I'm tempted to try out the park assist but also terrified to try it out. Same goes for the system that alerts and prevents collisions. I did, however, test out the sunroof and the realtime fuel efficiency meter. And connect my phone to it via bluetooth for podcasts.

And now I'm just exhausted by the whole car thing. After getting Pedro fixed then him not being fixed and being too late to rent a car twice, I had to figure out how to be able to park the rental car near my apartment without getting a parking ticket and the more help I got the less helpful it was. My father was emailing with the village about sending faxes of the rental agreement and leaving passes at the police department, but we didn't get the rental until after the village office closed anyway. My roommate was told another story when she walked to the village hall in person. And then, in the end, I just had to park my car around the corner and call a service to make it so it wouldn't get ticketed or towed (and we'll see in the morning if that has actually worked).

While the Edge does have a few things improved from Pedro, I still miss him. Especially his fuel economy. 32-47 mpg beats 16 any day of the week.

I guess it's pretty good that he made it almost two years with no problems other than with the Sync updates (a Microsoft program having major bugs? What are the odds!). Hopefully, though, this will be the last of the issues for a while. He needs to get me to a lot of places in the next few years before he's paid off!

So, What Exactly Does "Amazonian Clay" Mean?

In the midst of rubbing in a sample's worth of an Amazonian Clay detox mask onto my face, I paused as I put a little bit more on my nose and realized...

... this face mask smells like pee. I don't think that was the intention.

Amazons are some rugged broads, putting pee-scented clay on their faces. Oh, you mean it's from that other Amazon? The one in South America? Huh. Why do we have mythological Amazons and then the Amazon River/Rain Forest in a completely different location from where the Amazons were supposed to be? Is this a West Indies/East Indies type of thing?

Anyway: Apparently this is beauty week for this blog? Okay, then: face masks. I like doing them, especially when I feel like I've gotten behind on my skin regime and need a crash-course for my skin. Especially when they're free samples from Sephora. I don't think I'd ever feel okay paying $38 for five applications of a face mask (seriously, talk about a price that's mostly for the packaging!). I probably wouldn't feel okay even stretching it to ten applications. The stuff was good, but not miracle-level good. Right now I'm on a Murad kick with their 30 Day System and it comes with an awesomely sized sulfur mask that is gentle enough to put on, let dry, and then just sleep in it without getting super-irritated skin. And it's just as effective as the one ProActiv makes, if not more so.

But back to the Tarte Amazonian Clay mask. The nice thing about it is that it has the jojoba beads, so you are reminded to really try to rub the mask in rather than just painting it on. I never feel like jojoba beads actually do any exfoliating (I can already hear my AVEDA Institute graduate friend grumbling about me just saying that.) but having them there does give an impression of exfoliation happening.

However, the best part was that I applied the mask while sitting on my bed watching Mad Men and right after plucking my eyebrows (sidenote: what's with the fashion world suddenly embracing brushy eyebrows right as I finally figure out how to shape and fill-in mine? Argh). To pluck my eyebrows, I use a little lamp that uses a 15 watt bulb so that I can get bright light right where I need it, and usually turn off all other lights.

So, the sun was setting, my room was getting darker, and I just had this little un-shaded 15 watt light casting shadows while I covered my face in a face mask.

Then, I heard the front door unlock. You know where this is going, right?

The roommate walks down the hall, visibly flinches when she sees me with the mask on and weird "I'm telling a ghost story" shadows happening, and just sighs and goes, "Did you do that just to freak me out?"

"Yes," I answered, "I did it just for you."

The BB Cream Strikes Again!

So, I thought I was getting a handle on the BB cream situation. I thought I was past the Mr. Skullhead Boneyhands phase of looking ridiculous.

I swear, for a good couple of months, it wasn't the wrong shade for my skin. I was to the point where I was applying it with a sponge and then layering powder over it and it looked pretty good.

I don't know if it's that I got used to applying it with the sponge when I do have time and now the applying with my fingers when I don't have time is looking worse in comparison without actually changing or what.


I just don't don't understand how I managed to get paler over the spring than I apparently was in the colder months.

Am I a vampire and just don't know it? Is that why I have so many digestive problems?

That would suck (insert rimshot here).

The Ol' Factory System...

I worry about smelling bad. A lot.

I worry about antiperspirants being unhealthy. Not as much as I worry about smelling bad, but enough to get in the way of more productive thoughts.

My mother feels it is her duty to tell me when I smell. It could be 105 degrees out, I could've been moving furniture all day, and could've just stepped in dog crap right in front of her, but she will feel the need to inform me that I smell. Because she worries that I don't know that already, I guess. Like I said, she feels it's a duty of hers.

I'm so glad I never shared space with her during my air condition-free summer in Arizona. I also did not have temperature control on my shower at that time (and it wasn't that great of a shower, it was a whole big thing) and couldn't take cold showers to help the situation. And I worked at home most of the time. I think I would've spent the summer crying if she had been around. I already knew I smelled not-good a lot of the time, even if I made sure to shower right before leaving the house and used as many good smelling body products as possible. But it was southern Arizona in the summer and I had no air conditioning, what could I do? Thankfully, I was never the only person smelling a tad ripe.

Back then, I would use over-the-counter (or, rather, on-the-shelf) clinical strength antiperspirants when interacting with people, and keep a bottle of a matching fragrance cheap spray for last-minute scent touch-ups. I'd try to not get hugged. And I was constantly searching the food co-op for hopes of a "healthy" alternative product. And be it a crystal rock or Tom's of Maine, nothing worked.

And the one thing I have noticed with the clinical strength stuff is that while it helps with your underarms, it makes the rest of you sweat more. My back and thighs end up soaked in sweat (or with those weird under-knee sweat beads running down my legs) so much more when I'm wearing clinical strength deodorant compared to normal stuff.

These days, I live in Illinois with no air conditioning (we're working on window units for the bedrooms). I do, however, have temperature control on my shower now and work full-time in a place so air conditioned that my face sometimes freezes in my cubicle. 

I still worry about smelling, though. I worry about smelling like a litter box (I love my cat, but her box stinks when I get home from work and I frequently worry that my clothes and self might smell like that as well but I don't notice it), I worry about smelling like my downstairs neighbor's bong, I worry about smelling like the girl that hasn't done her laundry in four weeks.

 I kind of suck at being a lady, but I do have a few (get ready to roll your eyes!) "signature" items- including scents: I try to stick to just plain ol' vanilla mostly. I've tried flowery stuff (I had a couple years of using only Stella McCartney's Stella), I've had samples from every major perfume carried by Sephora, and have sampled everything Fresh makes. While I like the Fresh stuff enough and like smelling of sugar and fruit as well, I still prefer a straight-up rich vanilla scent.

For a few years, I'd buy the various vanilla type body sprays from Bath & Body Works (again, for on-the-go "I worry I smell like a cat box" touches) but those go away pretty quickly and have a chemical-y undertone to them.

Now, I've fallen in love with Lavanilla's roll-on forever oil fragrance. They have several different options, but I stick to straight-up vanilla for the forever oil. Because it's just Madagascar vanilla and almond oil. Nuthin' else. There's something so nice about it just being a single scent. And a vanilla scent rich enough that it can't be twisted by something else (something I've recently had problems with when using my Neilsen Massey Madagascar vanilla extract in a body scrub and having it end up smelling like vanilla yogurt. That was not ideal). I now have a theory that you should keep scents simple so that you don't end up with a pile-up of fragrance from all your beauty products.

I keep the tube of forever oil it in my purse or coat pocket and use it once in the morning and again in the evening if I'm going out- and it lasts many hours and smells amazing. Only rarely does it result in people around me asking if anyone else smells cookies, and when it does I'm just amused by it- it's nice to smell like something nice!

Of course, as soon as I wrote this entry, I then was asked if I was wearing Karl Lagerfeld's Sun Moon Stars, which does have vanilla notes to it, although I don't have any memory of ever trying it. However, that does prove my point. I applied it at about 10 am and was complimented on it after 6 pm. That's impressive!

In the past few weeks, I've also become accustomed to also rubbing myself down with virgin coconut oil after and between showers to help with skin issues. This has also given me a very slight coconut-y smell at times and I think it also helps with keeping over-all body odor between showers at bay long (I swear!). It's not a strong coconut smell, though. Or, at least, not the strong coconut smell I associate with my grandfather, a man that was very fond of sunbathing in the stuff.

As for when I am freshly showered, I'll still smell a little coconut-y from my homemade body scrub, but the Lavanilla body wash I use doesn't leave a scent on the skin. Same from my tea tree oil shampoo- no real scent left from it.

And, the biggie now, I've started to use the Soapwalla deodorant cream for most days. I've read so many people raving about it on the internet, I had to try it to see if it'd finally get me off of the stuff on the shelves. While it hasn't been warm enough to really test the Soapwalla stuff's strength yet, it seems to be holding up okay so far. I did, however, switch back to a clinical strength antiperspirant for C2E2. As I wanted to do my best to not be yet another smelly nerd.

And the deodorant cream has a distinctly non-deodorant-y smell to it (although, you can barely smell it at that). The official description says lavender, peppermint, and tea tree oil but I mostly only smell the tea tree oil- and it's a soft scent of it at that. So much better to catch a whiff of than anything by Dove, Secret, or Degree.

I do think that the Soapwalla stuff still needs to be re-applied if I'm going out after work and haven't applied any since 7 AM, though. Which I would be doing with the clinical strength stuff anyway. Like I said, my mother loves to tell me when I stink and I don't want to encourage anyone else to feel like they can be that frank with me (I have, however, decided that my payback method is to frequently tell her she has a booger hanging out of her nose when she doesn't).


Now that it has finally started to get warmer out, this stuff is really on my mind. I'm hopeful that this year, I will really win at smelling good 90% of the time. I'm still trying to find a fabric "freshener" (I know, they're horrible, but sometimes I need to space out my laundry loads more and more as I don't have a working washer and dryer in my building) that has a good vanilla scent. I've done Lavender (which is sort of my go-to back up scent, despite how even I find it a little grandmother-y smelling. Despite how neither of my grandmothers ever smelled of lavender. One always smells like clean linen and the other always wore White Shoulders. I digress...) fabric fresheners but it's just not the same.

Maybe the next step should be making vanilla potpourri that my cat won't eat (or, at least, won't get sick from eating).

But that's sort of where I've landed recently: vanilla, lavender, coconut, and a bit of tea tree oil. Am I simplifying it too much? Should I be embracing my natural stink more?